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GI X-Rays

So if you were worried about the colonoscopy, I hope I put your mind at ease.  They are nothing.  A breeze.  If you get a hot nurse (I wasn’t so lucky), they could even be filled with fantasy.  Seriously!  Get it done!

But the GI X-rays…  That’s another story.  I arrived at the appointment and the first thing they ask you to do is drink about 2 litres of a Barium Sulphate (ite?) “milk shake”.  The stuff doesn’t taste terrible.  Kind of like maalox.  Chalky, with a hint of strawberry.  You’ll have a lovely white tongue after drinking it.

They took me into an xray machine to get a quick look at how fast the barium was travelling through my system.  Apparently this could take hours…  Luckily they suggested it was moving quickly.  You go through the same “cleansing” as the colonoscopy with powerful laxatives and clear liquids.  Within 20 minutes I felt the barium reach the end of the line.  So much so, I had to go to the washroom.  They needed an xray to confirm what I saw in the toilet bowl…  So I was ready.  It was at this point they told me about the tube they’d be sticking up my booty.  WHATT????  I didn’t sign up for that?  OK, you’ll sedate me right???  NO???

So they got me up onto the xray table.  Not without a fight.  Danger pay for nurses.  The tube she inserted into me (ahem) was uncomfortable.  About the size of a finger.  Saladfinger’s finger (obscure reference I know).  She taped it into place so it would slip out.  Thankfully I have a hairy ass.  Wait, no, not thankfully.  That’s gonna hurt when it comes off!  So I’m violated, and broadway showtunes are started to run through my head.  I imagine the xray room spruced up with some vibrant colours, nice carpeting and some high-end knick knacks.  Little did I know that the worst was yet to come.

The doctor came in and pressed this giant xray machine into my belly.  It was kind of cool, because I could watch the barium moving through my system in real time.  An digestive ballet.  It was beautiful.  Then he told me he was going to start filling me with air.  WHAT???  The air started to pump in and if you can imagine farting in reverse, you’d have the feeling locked in.  I’ve “held back” some gas in my time, and I know that gas pains can be serious.  They were now doing this intentionally!  And it did not feel good…

The air kept pumping, and the doctor had me flipping over onto my stomach, to my right side, to my back, to my left side, repeat.  Basically I think he’s getting the gasses to move backwards through my system.  This is called a “Barium Air Contrast” xray.  It makes pretty pictures.

So the end of it, they pull the plug out of my butt, and I rush to the washroom to explode the barium and air.  I swear I could hear the people in the waiting room laughing.  I could hear everyone at work laughing.  I could hear my family and friends laughing.  I decided to laugh along with them.  It was over.  It sucked.  But farts are funny.

For the next few days, my stools slowly changed from a ghostly white (I called them “ghost poops”, perfect for the Halloween season) back to normal colours (green with pink polka dots).  I’m basically waiting to hear the results…

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

The exam

I arrived at the clinic with all of my paperwork in order. They sat me down and checked my blood pressure, heart rate, and O2. Sat there waiting for what felt like 20 minutes.
The anesthesiologist came and brought me to the examination room. She put a needle in my hand, and an oxygen tube up my nose. Another nurse put a paper blanket over top of my lower body and asked me to pull my underwear and pants to my knees. A BP cuff, and heart monitors on my hairy chest.
The doctor came in, asked if I had any questions, asked him about the constipation pressure. He didn’t respond, I guess he was expecting to see something inside. They asked me to lay on my left side. The anesthesiologist injected some stuff into my hand. I could feel myself drifting away.
I woke in a different room, pants still down, needle thingy and heart rate monitor on my hand, and a blood pressure cuff on my arm. A nurse came in and checked on me, taking the needle out of my hand, and giving me a bandaid. I sat there farting up a thunderstorm for the next 15 minutes. The pressure cuff and heart rate monitor came off. The Dr came over and said that he didn’t find anything. Great news, but that didn’t explain my symptoms. No polyps, no hemorrhoids, no intestine twists, no cancer.
I picked up another appointment for this Friday, having to do a similar bowel prep on Thursday (tomorrow???) for a Barium contrast X-ray of my small intestines.
On the way home, picked up a couple slices of pizza and quickly devoured them.
My bum feels funny and I have this overwhelming desire to sing show tunes and decorate. I wonder what that’s all about…

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

Good morning!

Hello! I was awakened by my Dr’s office calling to say they are 30 minutes behind. At least they called instead of having me sit in their clinic!
I’m feeling fine this morning. Slight constipation feeling though. Gas and mucus at this point (yum!).
In my reading last night, people suggested that the bowel prep is the worst part. That might’ve been with the solution of 2 gallons of salty swill… So if I take that out of the equation, then today should be a breeze.
I’m “having lunch” with my mom and brother-in-law (who is driving me to/from the clinic). Really I will be watching them eat…
Just thought of something funny. I’m going to bring a dozen donuts into the office when I get back to work. A feast with friends for my unknown accomplishment (I only told my boss), with an appropriately symbolic food. I think chocolate dip would be best for the inside joke.
Hunger level is about a 5 out of 10.

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

3:43am BM

Since my last post, I’ve been reading other blogs and articles on colonoscopies. Interestingly, the bowel prep that I’ve taken is much more palatable than what has been previously available. Thanks for that… I’ve also read about DNA testing done on fecal matter that is 90% accurate for detecting gastro-intestinal cancers. I’ve included a link below.
The constipation feeling persists, and I felt pressure again so I try to purge. I’m apparently free from fecal matter at this point (yay?) and I can only guess what is coming out of me is mucus. I had read that the dulcolax was supposed to stop the mucus as well… Maybe I read it wrong, and purging the mucus is the reality.
As I type this, I’m noticing that the constipation feeling is subsiding. Which is great because I’d really love to get some sleep (been up since 2am).

DNA Stool Test link:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090602092251.htm

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

No news is good news?

I’m not so sure about that… I fell asleep probably between 11pm and midnight. I’ve passed the midnight mark, which means no more fluids. I had some very colorful BMs late night, a dark shade of green. I didn’t worry about it at first, passing it off as possibly caused by the blueberry pomegranate Gatorade that I drank earlier. The first one made sense, but the second BM just seemed like the quantities didn’t match up. It seemed like there was much more color than what could be explained by a single Gatorade.
But worse than that, and I’m not sure if this is normal. I have a constipation feeling. Like I have a massive BM inside me and it won’t come out. Like if I strain, I might be pushing my intestines outside of me… AND it’s 2am, and I’ve got another 12 hours until my procedure. So I’m awake, feeling pressure, feeling sick, and concerned. This sucks.
Obviously this is something I’ll update on later when I speak to my doctor, but it feels like forever plus an hour away…

 
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Posted by on October 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

HUNGRY

Oh man I could eat a thousand cheeseburgers right now. Thinking about it is probably making it worse.
It’s 6:30pm. NOTHING after midnight. 14 hours without food or water. Man this part sucks. But by 2:30pm tomorrow I’m gonna be chomping down some greasy fast food…
Time to go through my cupboards looking for something to drink…

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

4 o’clock and alls well

I’m lucky to have this iPhone app for WordPress. I can update this blog from anywhere ;)
Another defcon5-to-defcon1, but I’m still at work. Another hour to go.
I wonder what I’ll make for dinner… Ah, meal planning for today is so simple…

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2011 in Uncategorized

 
 
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